The World Of Your Hundred Best Tunes

Here’s my homage to an often overlooked piece of vinyl history, let’s put a spotlight on a series of records that are a staple part of many a charity shop record pile. ‘The World of Your Hundred Best Tunes’ was a spin off from the long running BBC radio programme of the same name. . ‘Your Hundred Best Tunes’ was originally commissioned for a 13-week run with the intention of finding the "best 100 tunes in the world" and it ran for forty seven years, between 1959 and 2007. The show was devised and presented by Alan Keith and it (and he) became a great British institution. He went on to become the longest serving and oldest presenter on British radio. After Keith’s death in 2003, the responsibility of taking up the presenting helm fell to Richard Baker, however he couldn’t arrest the falling listening figures and eventually the programme was axed.

Alan Keith was the professional stage name of Alexander Kossoff. His brother was David Kossoff who as an actor and television presenter of some note, older readers may remember him as the hen-pecked husband Alf Larkins in the domestic sitcom The Larkins. He also appeared in numerous film roles, one of which A Kid For Two Farthings, directed by Carol Reed in 1955 is well worth tracking down. Kossoff plays an East End tailor called Kandinsky who is befriended by a boy called Joe, who has bought what he believes to be a unicorn, which he hopes will bring good luck to his friends in the austere rationed post war neighbourhood. It is actually a sickly little goat; with just one twisted horn in the middle of its forehead, but the community play along with this make believe. It’s a fascinating and unusual film, mixing magic realism with kitchen sink drama and highly recommended.

If that family name seems familiar it’s because David’s son was Paul Kossoff, lead guitarist of heavy blues rockers band Free. Sadly, he died at just 25 from a heart attack following years of drug addiction but during his time in Free he was responsible for some of the finest guitar solos of that period and made an immense contribution to classic tracks All Right Now, My Brother Jake and Wishing Well, all contenders in my list of hundred best tunes.

Volume 2

pressed in 1971, has Alan Keith gazing longingly at the cover of what I presume is a copy of Volume 1 “The Top Ten” featuring a semi comatose listener, zonked out in an armchair, with the radio set to Alan’s Sunday evening broadcast. It’s a lukewarm start to the series in terms of vinyl cover goodness.

Volume 3

is a particular favourite of mine, all the family are sitting around the monstrous fireplace with a proper fire roaring away, the radio on and there isn’t a television in sight. The daughter is dutifully spending time with the ‘olds’ and the family pooch completes the scene. I suspect though, that her minds on other things, perhaps how to get out of there and into her own groovy pad where she can hold swinging parties and is able to listen to some contemporary tunes instead of this fuddy duddy music.

Volume 4

Has a bit of a dull cover on it, truth be told. A boringly normal couple snuggle up on the sofa, next to the now ubiquitous radio, each with a glass of water perched on the rather tasteful coffee table! Only the oversized lamp hints of the interior design madness of the era. Surely, it’s a cover up! you can’t fool me, I’ve watched ‘Abigail’s Party’, we know what went on behind closed doors at these soirees: Demis Roussos on the 8track, papyrus grass knowingly grown outside on the front lawn, sets of keys in the ashtray, copious lines of Columbian Marching Powder glistening on the polished glass table. You can’t tell me that this cover actually shows how people really entertained themselves back in the early Seventies.

Volume 5

Goes all rustic and manages to come up with a classic cover. A young buck has taken his date for a punt down the river and has stopped by the riverside to listen to our favourite light entertainment show on his portable radio with the fragrant damsel in tow, she’s sporting a rather fetching gaudy floral dress and oversized floppy sun hat. Our suitor, posing in a classic catalogue man pose, begs many questions. Will he act like a gentleman? What are his real intentions? Will she put out? Why did he take her outside on such a cold and dank day? But most all we are asking... what the heck is the old nag doing in the photo? Hey Dobbin! You’re cramping his style, don’t you know, three’s a crowd!

Volume 6

Ssees us restored to the cosy warmth of residing beside the hearth, with a rather impressive inglenook on display and proper fire blazing away within it; this is a residence with a touch of quality. The owner of this nest is ‘dear ole grandma’ who’s got the radio on a bit too loudly because she’s a bit ‘mutt an jeff’ in her advanced years. I suspect the two young’ uns are her grandchildren, come to visit their Nana and build up some brownie points by humouring her for a few hours. After all, a bit of effort currying favour in this stage could lead to a big payoff down the line in her will. Let’s face it, she’s not long for this world and she’s sitting on a sizable asset, it’s got oak beams an all. The sense of competition between the two siblings is palatable as they play off versus each other. The floppy haired chap with the green suede jacket has always been the apple of Nana’s eye, even though his behaviour of late has been slightly concerning, dropping out of university and that unfortunate incident with the funny cigarette: Well, let’s best not go there. The granddaughter’s blossomed into a bonny lass and such a sensible head on her shoulders too, if only she would find a nice young man to settle down with a have some babies. All this talk of having a career though, tut! What’s the world coming to? The dogs not fooled though, he can sniff the fettered odour of ingratiation in the air as he makes his opinion known in the only way he can, with a long low threatening growl.

Volume 7

We go all stately and grandiose with a shot of a dapper young couple resting on the patio next to some serious pot plant ornament and statue action. The sun is out and our lass is looking very ‘Vogue 1973 cover star’ with the faux country servant girl chic apparel. However, something is wrong as the sexual chemistry between them is nowhere to be seen. The guy is grinning like a gormless loon, but isn’t sure what to say next, so he’s switched on the radio to fill the silence. The friend who set these two up, made a serious misjudgement, on this blind date. He thinks he’s lucked out and is on a roll thanks to his lucky checked shirt with the extra wide lapels, but she’s having none of it and is plotting how best to ditch the dopey lunk without causing too much of a scene. That guy who arrived earlier in the Triumph Stag has caught her eye and seemed to be available, even more importantly, he was free and easy with buying the G & T’s.

Volume 8

After the disaster of the previous volume Alan’s decided to come back, rest assured we’re in safe hands now, as the old pro shows us how to present a classic cover, a dignified stance in a gentlemen’s club style, loafing about in the armchair, more quality leather antique furniture dotted about the room, a modest fireplace, class never boasts you know and the wall to wall shelves are full of dusty old tomes in the background (risqué men’s periodicals nestled discreetly between the classic fiction and complete run of Shakespeare) A well hung painting one of the St Ives school, a pleasant harbour scene picked up for a song is worth a tidy sum now. The whole scene is set off with some strategically placed foliage, including a splendid spider plant. The horizontal stored pile of vinyl is the only small fly in this interior ointment, preventing this from being a perfectly executed music listening scene with just the right ambience.

Volume 9

The most striking cover of the series has to be this one featuring a lady sitting in the now ubiquitous armchair, (obviously, 100 Best Tunes was meant to be listened to at leisure with due consideration, rather than as background noise whilst ironing, cooking etc) next to her is a girl, who looks spellbound, it’s as if she’s completely been hypnotised by the wonderful music emanating from the nearby record player. Not only that! We have an appearance of a proper good old fashioned deck, there’s a good selection of platters scattered around the room, from the ‘Hundred Best Tunes’ series. Whether the lady is her mother is unclear, but she’s smiling benevolently at the girl. In fact, it’s more than a maternal gaze; there’s an ever so slightly sinister vibe in the woman’s body language, a controlling nuance with an undercurrent of a silent but implicit threat. This ‘Miss Havisham’ won’t countenance any new fangled Beatles type pop music being played under her roof from ‘Estella’ and woe betide the little madam if she’s tries to go against her express wishes. However, our supplicant is already an empty vessel, with the type of vacant stare, more often associated with newly indoctrinated religious cult members. Next stop for her retraining schedule, is the specially constructed ‘Hundred Best Tunes compound’ fully kitted out with ultra loud floral curtains and mock log fire electric heaters, cocooned from the pernicious influences of teenage rebellion, cut off from all this devil’s music and the immoral behaviour that it inspires.

Volume 10

The series culminates with an image to appeal to the youth market; a groovy couple chill out at home, accompanied by the now (over)familiar props: fake log fireplace, check! Grandpa’s favourite armchair check! Chunky oak effect radio check! Antique furniture check! Pot plants check! Garish curtains check! However, our hip cats are posing in a distinctly relaxed style, in fact, they look remarkably similar to Peter Bowles and Penelope Keith in the classic ITV Eighties sitcom ‘To The Manor Born’ The scene is completed with a cheeky glass of wine on the table! It might seem to be just one civilised glass of chardonnay for now, but mark my words it’ll lead to necking copious quantities of booze at home, slumped in front of the radio and inevitably leading to dereliction and degradation down the line. Passed out in the armchair on a Sunday night, a bottle of supermarket own brand vodka nestled in the lap, not even the white noise from the radio can wake them from their slumbers. Alan Keith’s soothing voice has long since departed from the airwaves on that evening’s edition of ‘Your Hundred Best Tunes’.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Your_Hundred_Best_Tunesnes

http://www.radiorewind.co.uk/radio2/your_100_best_tunes_page.htm_tunes_page.htm

http://k9life.blogspot.com/2007/07/your-100-best-100-best-programmes.htmlbest-programmes.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Keith

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Kossoff

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Kossoff

The Kiddieland Chorus - Songs For Children

There's mumblings in the media about the some sections of youth of today rejecting the cruddy sound of CD's and even worse noise of an mp3 and instead taking up the more decadent aural delights of vinyl records. Some of it is hipster bandwagoning, I'm sure, but it warms the cockles of my heart to know that the next generation of music lovers are ready to take on the mantle of being vinyl bores.

However this revolution isn't happening quick enough for my liking. For unless there's a tipping point of teenagers demanding to be able to buy the sounds of their latest favourite, fly by night indie band, pressed in that glorious black plastic, the likelihood of top quality record shops reappearing on the high street is going to remain a wistful pipe dream.

I yearn for the return of those dusty shabby overpriced music stores haphazardly stacked full of platters in no discernible order, run by insolent staff barely able to suppress their contempt for the customers. It's part of my cultural heritage visiting such establishments. The well worn ritual of tramping along to some inauspicious part of town, foregoing the convenience and comfort of being able to sit in front of my computer and ordering the latest 'must have' tracks in a jiffy for my music fix. This is an essential part of my cultural fibre and I demand to have the right to cross the threshold of a premise, as described above, to have my hard earned wonga relieved of me by some callow oik, who has correctly surmised that here comes another £50 man, recommend me the usual Snow Patrol and Fleetwood Mac remastered albums from the Dad rock section, before sending me merrily on my way clutching the bounty in a crisp plastic bag which will break five minutes down the road.

The only thing that's going to properly redress the balance and return music commerce to it's former glory, is to speed up the process of enlightenment for our poor misguided weens in a mass program of indoctrination, starting from the moment they can recognise sounds and visualise circles. I'm proposing blanket exposure to top quality nursery rhymes delivered via the magic of a child proof record player, preferably one that looks like a suitcase, a concession to quell any quibbles of lack of portability, i - phones eat your heat out, take a look at this little beauty shown here! the evidence is irrefutable.. the kid is captivated by the wonder of watching that single spin round and round, delivering three minutes of musical fun and it's so easy to flip that golden number over with none of the hassle of having to choose between the thousands of tunes stored in the library of a conventional mp3 player. The kids will thank us for it when they grow up and remember: children are our future!

The Kiddieland Chorus directed by actor Lee Gotch

A High Fidelity Programme of Nursery Rhymes: Activity Songs: Counting and Alphabet: Sleep Songs. Recorded at Capital Tower, Hollywood on the Pye Golden Guinea label.

Side One

Old King Cole

Mary Had Little Lamb

Peas Pudding Hot

Simple Simon

Sing A Song Of Sixpence

To Market, To Market
Ding Dong Bell

Little Jack Horner

Three Blind Mice

A Frog He Would A Wooing Go

Hickory Dickory Dock

Hey Diddle Diddle

Side Two

Old MacDonald Had A Farm

London Bridge
Mulberry Bush

Alphabet Song

Calendar Song
Ten Little Indians
Rock A Bye Baby

Sweet And Low

A couple of alternative covers are shown as well, including one featuring a rather dull woodland scene, via Jacob Whittaker (please contact me if you want this removed) apparently there's also a version featuring the legendary British actress Wendy Craig around but no images found so far.

Lee Gotch was behind The Ivy Barflies record which was full of drinking songs sung presumably aimed at college going party guys. Was this really a suitable role model to be involved in an album aimed at our impressionable youth!

www.flickr.com/photos/jacobwhittaker/4106635722/

www.rateyourmusic.com/artist/lee_gotchs_ivy_barflies

www.discogs.com/Lee-Gotchs-Ivy-Barflies-To-The-Tables-Down-At-Morys/release/1428401

http://rateyourmusic.com/release/album/the_kiddieland_chorus/songs_for_children_f1/bum/the_kiddieland_chorus/songs_for_children_f1/

Hear This! 'Hanging out with Itchy and Scratchy'

People often ask me, what's it like hanging out at Scratchy Towers? usually followed by comments such as "I bet it's just one long session of wine, wimmin' and song" "it must be one long groovy party, what with all those legendary vinyl platters being given a spin" and "Do you live your life like a superstar D.J?"

Well my inquisitive vinyl loving chums, I usually like to keep a low profile to keep out of the tabloids, but I can exclusively reveal that life at Scratchy Towers is all of the above and so much more. Here is a rare photo of myself and Mr Knackers in deep discussion, at the H.Q command centre. We've taken a short break from the non stop hedonism, in order to sort the wheat from the chaff, deciding which platters really matter and should be given a spin at the next non stop banging V.I.P rave.

O.K, it's actually a rather lovely oddity of a record, featuring a conversation between the late Bob Auger, a highly respected sound engineer and Bob Hardcastle, a leading music producer (any further information on Mr Hardcastle would be appreciated)

Bob Auger worked on "a number of high-profile public occasions both in the pop and classical fields. These included as varied events as the 1969 Isle of Wight Pop Festival, the Rolling Stones in Hyde Park, Frank Sinatra's charity concert at the Festival Hall and Karlheinz Stockhausen's concert in the same hall in the mid-1970s" He also turned his talents to some of the most famous pop songs to come out of Pye Records in the Sixties such as The Kinks "You Really Got Me" "Sunny Afternoon"The Animals "House of the Rising Sun" and The Spencer Davis Group "Keep on Running"

Hear This! 1981 Discourses Limited DCL 1224

Side One
Reinhold Gliere Symphony No.3 in B minor
John Stanley Six Organ Concertos Op 10 No 5 in A major
Ludwig Van Beethoven The Piano Concerto No 4 in G major
Carl Maria Von Weber Concertino in E flat Op 26
Franz Schubert Piano Quintet in A Major
Scott Joplin Extract from Sunflower Slow Drag

Side 2
Antonio Vivaldi The Four Seasons Concerto No 3 (Autumn)
Joseph Haydn Symphony No 104
Enrique Granados Marche Militaire
Claude Debussy Images
Edvard Grieg Olav Trygvason

In between each extract our two Bobs discuss such important matters as recording locations, The best of mono, channel tests and microphone placement, balance,multi-microphone techniques and multi-track recording, tape editing, dolby and non-dolby comparison and digital recording and the future.

As it says on the cover "Your unique invitation to join a well-known engineer and a producer talking about good recorded sound, from the early days of mono to superb digital recordings of the 1980's" Thanks for the invite gents, it was a pleasure.

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/obituary-bob-auger-1068562.html

http://wiki.ibs.org.uk/audiocompendium/index.php?title=Auger

First Men On The Moon - 40th Anniversary (repost from 31/05/08)

Last week, those clever bods down at N.A.S.A managed to land a space probe on the surface of planet Mars. In celebration of this exciting and rather tricky feat, I have dug out some souvenir singles. The 'First Men On The Moon' was released by the Smithsonian Institution in Washington D.C, which is the National Air and Space Museum. It's a tenth anniversary edition of the Apollo missions specifically the 1969 'Apollo 11' journey. It features the voices of Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins bouncing about on the Moon or recorded in a top secret warehouse in the Ohio Desert next to 'Area 51' if you happen to believe the conspiracy theories. This particular seven inch cost someone $2 and makes a fine memento of their museum trip. Wouldn't it be nice if other such similar institutions pressed up slabs of vinyl to be sold in their respective shops instead of the usual cuddly toys and novelty diary sets of tat that currently clutter up these cash cow outlets. I would be much more eager to hand over my hard earned dosh for a lovingly crafted record commemorating the seventy millionth anniversary of the passing of the dinosaurs commissioned exclusively by the National History Museum for instance.



The second record has the the theme music from the masterful movie '2001: A Space Odyssey' from Stanley Kubrick of the book by Arthur C. Clarke R.I.P. As all you classical buffs out there will know it's an excerpt from 'The Blue Danube' by Johann Strauss II and 'Thus Spake Zarathustra' by Richard Strauss. I bring to your attention the cover artwork which looks remarkably similar to the Phoenix Lander and considering the picture was drawn half a century ago, based on guesswork, I think it's a very accurate impression.

To see if N.A.S.A have found any little green man lurking under the rocks and dust...
http://marsrover.nasa.gov/home/index.html

Record Store Day

The powers that be decided that this Saturday(18/04/09) is "Record Store Day" The aim of this is to event is to re-engage the music loving public and get them out in their droves to buy some product and in turn keep this rapidly disappearing sector of retail commerce from becoming extinct.



Here we Scratchy Towers are happy to pitch in with our support, particularly as it's more difficult to find a worthwhile record shop that's left open round these parts. It was such a part of growing up for me, heading into town on a Saturday, holding my hard earned money in my grubby little mitts ready to splash some dosh on whatever platter mattered on that particular weekend. It started a love affair with music that has lasted the best part of three decades and it would be a tremendous shame if the next generation of music lovers were denied the opportunity to hang out in a dingy shop surrounded by like minded souls (abet some with questionable hygiene habits) perusing the racks and finally experiencing the thrill of making that choice as to which record was going to annoy the parents in the following week by playing at full blast over and over again.

I have completed visual tribute to all the wonderful record stores still keeping their open signs hanging on the door. I have also posted a piece of artwork by my all time favourite comic artist, Jamie Hernandez, who is backing the campaign with his considerable talents. Jamie, along with his brother Gilbert (and to a lesser extent another brother called Mario) are the creative force behind some of the finest comic art in the history of the medium. It's hard to convey just how much of an influence the 'Los Bros' have been in my own cartooning and how essential reading their Love and Rockets comic is. If you haven't dipped into this very special indie punk American-Hispanic magic realism saga, I'd recommend the "The Death of Speedy" storyline as a good place to jump on.



Note for Eighties goth rock music lovers, the band of the same moniker came after the comic and indeed one of the funniest stories features the day to day travails of a rubbish punk band of spotty teenagers called Love and Rockets, the real band couldn't complain because they nicked the name off the Hernandez guys to begin with!

http://www.recordstoreday.com/Home

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaime_Hernandez

Jamie at Fantagraphics the comics publisher

Scratchy's Collecting Tips Number 09

Os Sambacanas - Fly Me To Brazil

The flying theme continues with a gem of easy listening, latin flavoured album from 1969 with an aeroplane themed cover.

So welcome aboard to some more in flight entertainment, we'll be cruising at 37,000 feet with some samba influenced chilled beats, putting a new twist on some very familiar songs of the late Sixties.

This was originally recorded in Brazil by Julio Nagib, who used authentic Brazilian instruments on these tracks. It was originally released as...

Meet Os Sambacanas - Sucessos da Juventude em Tempo de Samba

Then DJM (Dick James Music) re-released it in the U.K with the new aircraft cover as shown. "Apparently Julio Nageb met the DJM people at MIDEM music fair and they bought the rights" (thanks to Gary from the comments box at the loromix.blogspot link below for the extra information)

An Adventure In Stereo indeed

Track Listing (1969)

Side 1

1. Hey Jude
(John Lennon / Paul McCartney)
2. Fly Me To The Moon
(B. Howard/B.May)
3. Romeo Und Julia
(H. Mayer / H. Bradtke)
4. Step Inside Love
(John Lennon / Paul McCartney)
5. Perto dos Olhos Longe Do Coração (Dori Épson / Marcos Roberto)

Side 2

6. Those Were The Days
(G. Raskin)
7. Yesterday
(John Lennon / Paul McCartney)
8. Delilah
(L. Reed / B. Mason/T.J Binicki)
9. Epor Isso Estou Aqui
(Roberto Carlos)
10. Namoradinha De Um Amigo Meu
(Roberto Carlos)

http://loronix.blogspot.com/

A download is available from here, for those of you wanting to pursue this further..

http://loronix.blogspot.com/search?q=os+sambacanas

http://rateyourmusic.com/artist/os_sambacanas

Scratchy's Collecting Tips Number 08

Hamnavoe Scottish Dance Band

What did comedy curmudgeon Victor Meldrew do before he settled into an endearingly grumpy "I don't belieeeve it" routine of light family television sitcom farce in One Foot In The Grave?

Well, the storyline has it that he was prematurely retired from his job as a security guard, replaced by an automated machine. However, the Hamnavoe Scottish Dance Band have provided the answer with their (slightly out of focus) front cover of the vinyl release 'Going To An Orkney Barn Dance' produced by Jim Johnston and issued back in 1973 on Grampian Records, based in Wick, Caithness, Scotland.

He was in a traditional Sottish folk band. There he is, sitting in the front row on the left, looking non too plussed, despite getting to sit next to the bonny lass. He looks like someone who was left with cold porridge leftovers for breakfast and as the others appear to be having a fine old time of it, even though it looks as though they've been standing next to that semi- derelict building for hours in sub zero temperatures.

"A barn dance is any kind of dance held in a barn, but usually involves traditional or folk music with traditional dancing. Folk dancing events are often also referred to as "barn dances", despite being held in locations other than barns"

"A barn dance can be a Ceilidh, with traditional Irish or Scottish dancing, and people unfamiliar with either format often confuse the two terms. However, a barn dance can also feature square dancing, Morris dancing, Contra dancing,English country dancing, dancing to Country and western music, or any other kind of dancing, often with a live band and a caller" sourced from Wikipedia

For those of you who have never had the opportunity to go to a barn dance, it's a rambunctious run through lots of traditional music at a community event, with plenty of dancing, eating and drinking and can be tremendous fun as long as you don't mind making a bit of a fool of yourself as you mess up the dance routines and step on other people's feet. I don't know how different the Orkney versions of barn dances are to others, but I suspect that this band played at most of the one's held in that region during the early Seventies.

The band members credited on the back covers are Jack Yorston on accordion, Elaine Wilson on fiddle, Alan Drever on piano, Jackie Miller on Guitar, Arthur Sinclair on bass guitar and William Marwick on drums. They were based in Stromness in Orkney and had been going for about four years, when they cut this platter. I haven't managed to uncover any other extra information on the interweb, so any further snippets would be appreciated. My hunch, is that the cheerily challenged fellow is accordion playing Jack, who arranged the songs as well.

http://www.ibiblio.org/folkindex/hp02.htm#Hamnscod

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barn_dance

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victor_Meldrew

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/onefootinthegrave/index.shtml

Scratchy's Collecting Tips Number 07

Strictly Oompah

There is a bit of a kafuffle at the moment out there the media land, as the staple of Saturday night-light entertainment television ‘The reality talent show’ is being hit by controversy. This is because the hordes of compliant armchair viewers, who are normally spoon-fed identikit ‘rising new talent’ performers, are rebelling against the perceived wisdom of the on screen experts.

Normally I don’t pay too much attention to these kind of shows, grudgingly accepting that they have their place in keeping the viewing masses docile, a pop culture popcorn, if you like. Recently, however, I have noticed a disturbing trend towards this pap crossing over into scheduling, where it has no business being.

The BBC have been chief perpetrators, in this dumbing down mission creep, particularly on the morning news, where I‘m subjected to the tedium of interviews of z-list personalities, who have been ejected on the previous evening’s episode of ‘Get Me Out Of The Strictly Celeb Factor House’ All the while, I’m looking on, slurping down my cornflakes in increasing incredulity, as important news stories of the day are cast aside, in favour of flagship presenters babbling away inanely, on a comfortable sofa, about pirouettes/cheesy ballads or eating raw Kangaroo bollocks. This isn’t what I fork out my license fee for, I increasingly find myself frothing away, in the voice of disgruntled Victor Meldrew type from Tunbridge Wells. Just give me some nourishing information you numb nuts, I feel obliged to mutter.

The usual rules of the Reality TV game are that the audience follow the advice of a panel of preening self-satisfied ‘names’ that make sure that the performing singer/dancer/monkey, who is most likely to make the aforementioned Svengalis, the most amount of money, ends up the winner. To compound this racket, the punters have to pay for the privilege of text voting for their favourite act, thus raking in a bit more dosh for the chancers, who in control of the television/production company, that are churning out this pap.

However, this time around, the masses aren’t playing ball, and are sabotaging the whole scam, by each week voting for the crappiest acts to stay in, purely for the enjoyment of buggering up the whole stale process. So, we are treated to the unedifying spectacle of the expert panel, getting more and more exasperated by the turn of events, pleading with the audience to vote out the weaker acts (i.e. low earning potential) and keep in their top tips (i.e. their potential cash cow)

This is the trouble with a voting democracy in action, you can fool the buggers most of the time, but occasionally they see a chink of light and realise they’re being manipulated and throw a spanner into the works. So ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ fans, carry on voting for John ‘twinkle toes’ Sergeant, X factor followers, hang your heads in shame for not following through with the strength of your convictions, having voted out Daniel Evans, described as looking like "Ricky Gervais doing karaoke" by Louis Walsh.

The only sure way that these reality shows can retain their integrity is by tweaking the format, so that the subject matter is so awful, that there is no possible way that the Svengali vultures will sniff any potential money earning streams of revenue to feast on and will slither off to peck the eyes out of some other entertainment corpse. I propose that we introduce a ground breaking show ‘Strictly Oompah’ where rotund, sweaty, Germans parp their way to a lederhosen chaffing, sound honking, thigh slapping final! Surely there’s no money to be made out of this? Is there? Monkey Tennis anyone?

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/tv_and_radio/article5171116.ece
http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/tv_and_radio/article5167807.ece
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/strictlycomedancing

This is the track listing of ‘Strictly Oompah’ by Will Glahe and his Orchestra. Design aficionados: please note that the cover design retains Phase4Stereo’s trademark high standards of quality, even if the music within doesn’t.

1 Radetzky March 2 Cuckoo Waltz 3 The Fisherman From Bodensee 4 Wiener Praterleben 5 Hoch Und Deutchmaeister Marsch 6 Aud De Schab'sche Eisebahne 7 I Lost My Heart In Heidelberg 8 Wien Bleibt Wien 9 Die Dorfmusik 10 Schutzenliesel Polka 11 You Can't Be True Dear 12 The Faithful Hussar

If any of you out there, are deranged enough to actually want to download the mp3’s of this, it can done so here…


http://musicforum.org.ua/viewtopic.php?t=0348a07190c

More Phase 4 Stereo Oompah delights can be found here..
http://audiodesignstudio.blogspot.com/2008/06/rudi-bohn-and-his-band-percusive-oompah.html

http://www.endlessgroove.com/issue4/lp4s.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Will_Glahé

Scratchy's Collecting Tips Number 06

Scratchy's Collecting Tips Number 05

Scratchy's Collecting Tips Number 04

Scratchy's Collecting Tips Number 03

Scratchy's Collecting Tips - Number 02

Scratchy's Collecting Tips - Number 01

The First Legendary London Chazza Hunt!

Here is the first of an ongoing series of reports, documenting our record hunting forays into the wilds of the nation's charity shops, the route was designed to take in some quality boozers along the way. Actually, this is our second joint chazza hunt/pub crawl, but we neglected to get the necessary evidence last time around, this was when we landed our ‘belly dancing’ finds (see January 2008) as the fruits of our labours. Itchy decided that Balham would be our happy hunting ground, so we set out on a sunny Saturday, with a spring in our step.

The first port of call was at a proper chazza, no corporate branding here, the sign does what it says, in a no nonsense fashion. Inside it was packed full of actual gifted items, not clogged up with scented candles sent by head office. Proper volunteers were doing sterling work behind the counter, in aid of a good cause. I set about looking through the plastic pile and settled on ZZ Top, Bon Jovi and Madness, I also persuaded Itchy to try out Van Halen's classic Fair Warning, though he's usually non plussed at listening to the denim clad end of the rock spectrum. It's like we’ve been transported back to my youth, Marty McFly style, head banging heaven.

Next stop was the FARA shop, where I had been promised a basement full of cratey delights to check through, a veritable Aladdin’s cave, including a turntable to test out any prospective purchases. Unfortunately, it was out of action, so it was back to the trusty Scratchy sixth sense.

A Ghostface/Method Man album sampler quickly popped up, followed by an Animals That Swim long player and a Ride E.P. Then most gratifyingly for me, was The Darkside album, which I'd been meaning to get since 1990, when Spacemen 3 was at the centre of my turntable universe. Other contenders, were a signed Dodgy double album that turned out to be missing one record and Crazy Horses by The Osmonds, which was scratched to buggery. Locating a haul of interesting singles made up for those disappointments. Itchy sniffed out some dance stuff and it was onwards to our next target, with an increasingly heavy record bag.

Object d'art of the day was in the form of a device, labelled ‘car bomb’ for £4. We appreciated the humour, but didn't buy it, as the men from the ministry might have be watching and haul us off for a long stretch at Guantánamo Bay, with no recourse to any sort of trial, so we left the trinket!

Itchy was keen to get to the Trinity Hospice, where he nattered to the friendly bloke behind the counter, as I sauntered over to the record basket. A Violinski single on Jet Records from 1979 appeared - it had to be connected to E.L.O so I snapped it up for my sins. The Starlings twelve inch also caught my eye as did the autobiography of Slash on the bookshelves. This must be a tale of true rock’n’roll Sodom and Gomorrah, only surpassed by Led Zeppelin’s ‘Hammer of the Gods’ and the Motley Crue biography! but at £4 it was a budget buster, so it was left to gather some more dust.



A quick hop and a step across the road, took us into one of the corporate chazzas. A British Heart Foundation, with copious amounts of laminate and missing that tell tale mouldy atmosphere that authentic chazzas exude. It made me want to rip my shirt off, light a cigar and yell “I love the smell of mustiness in the morning” Ashopolipse Now style. There was a small section of the precious black stuff and we saw a promising fifties design with ‘Penthouse’ on the title and a lewd cover, however on closer inspection, it looked like a standard lounge act. We left the premises empty handed, our first strike out of the day.

The final visit of the day was to Cancer Research establishment. Our progress was temporally halted by the presence of a couple of young whippersnappers, however the overbearing hovering of a couple of sweaty ole geezers, meant that these scenesters swiftly departed, clearing the way for Itchy to continue on his quest to pick up obscure dance platters. I settled on a Jerry Harrison album mainly because it had a Sebastiao Salgado photograph on the front cover and Gold Mother by indie/baggy manc poppits James. We had run out of juice by now, it was time to sit down, so it was off to the pub on the last leg of our journey.

We zipped over The Clarency or ‘The Dog's Arse Sniffer’ as it had been rechristened, where we took the weight off our feet and surveyed our haul of treasure. The friendly waitress sportingly offered that it was ‘awesome’ as she must have inwardly wondered, about what kind of oddballs, had stumbled in on her shift. Beers were quaffed, lunch was consumed and we kicked back to spectacle of the Olympic coverage of the women’s weight lifting competition. Seeing agricultural ladies lift unfeasible amounts of weight above their heads, was oddly compelling and a fine conclusion to the inaugural Great London Chazza Spectacular.

Scratchy’s Final Tally with initial impressions

ALBUMS

Animals that Swim- I Was The King, I Really Was The King
clever rock with similarities to The Auteurs
Bon Jovi - Slippery When Wet
poodle hair rock classic
The Darkside - All That Noise
solid if unspectacular fuzz rock
James - Gold Mother
couple of crackers and plenty of filler
Jerry Harrison – Casual Gods
Talking Heads lite
Method Man/ Ghostface - Tical 0 Album Sampler
shocking, this is no Ironman, worst buy of the day!
ZZ Top - Afterburner
afterthought to Eliminator the synths are annoying
Madness - Keep Moving
A band running out of steam, saved by Michael Caine

12 INCHES

Ride – Dreams Burn Down (Fall)Reverb aplenty, the shoegaze revival must be around the corner!
Verrucca Salt - Seether
An exquisite Lo Fi/grunge pop classic, of course
The Starlings - Wasn’t Born To Follow
Chirpy fey indie from the Eighties

7INCHES

Fake - Sea Dust
Post rock chilledness
The Cardigans - Sick And Tired
Nordic indie pop loveliness
The Cardigans - Carnival
more pop perfection with a bonus flipside Ozzy Osborne’s Mr Crowley done acapella style, lovely and haunting.
Violinski - Time To Live
footnote to the E.L.O story
Tarnation - There’s Someone
A soundtrack to an art house western movie , interesting a winner!



Dirty Three/Scenic (split7”) – Strange Holiday/When The Time Comes
alt shoegaze/post rock, an unassuming gem
Minital Rock Steady Vol 1 (split 4ways) Formula One/Magic Water/Chevette/Ricky Spontane
Possibly find of the day - fun packed D.I.Y indie pop
Superchunk - Hello Hawk
Like your favourite chocolate that’s been downsized to ‘funsize’
Inperial Teen -You’re One
adolescent tantrums throwing a musical strop on - good stuff

The Long-Player Goodbye

This recently published book, is doing the literary rounds with the tag line pushing it as "The history of the album from the invention of vinyl and the LP to its revival in our i-pod age"

I haven't actually read it yet, so this can't be thought of as a review, not that this minor aberration stops many a reviewer, but I thought it's premise sounds interesting enough to us 'vinylophiles' that it's worth a mention.

There have been a spate of articles on the current state of records, as a format. The two prevailing arguments tend to be of the 'let's mourn the passing of this dead format' or more recently 'vinyl's not dead! let's all celebrate the revival of this format' variety. Neither of these assessments are particularly accurate. Vinyl is not a dead format, in the way let's say 8track, mini-disc or audio cassettes can be described as so. People, like myself, were still purchasing music on vinyl, throughout the Nineties, when the majority of music fans were persuaded to buy Cd's. Dance music D.Js also helped keep the faint beating heart of vinyl sales ticking over, during this era.

A common misconception, is that we're vinyl revivalists, who are on some sort of nostalgia trip, i.e we're wilfully disregarding other 'superior' formats, due to an obstinate Luddite mindset. The truth is that, analogue records provide a better sound experience, which is superior to the digital Cd sound, even with all the crackles and pops. I admit, that Cd's have an advantage over it's predecessor, in storage and convenience, but let's not perpetuate the myth that Cd's are virtually indestructible, as we were led to believe. Anyone who has cut their finger trying to get to the inserts of those crappy plastic jewel cases, which promptly crack and break, can testify to the inherent design flaws of a CD. Records provide a more satisfying visual and tactile experience, and when packaged with proper love, care and attention to detail, they become beautiful artifacts in themselves. I draw to your attention, Johnny Flynn's recently released 'A Larum' album, as a prime example.

Records have survived, despite the best efforts of the music industry, to give it the last rites. In fact, sales are booming, admittedly from a low base, but none the less, it's lasting appeal is recognised by music fans of all age groups. The competition between formats, is not between Cd's and vinyl, but between Cd's and Mp3's. This invisible format, made up of bits and bites, has blown Cd's sails out of the water, it's convenience, mobility and user friendlyness, makes Cd's redundant. Mp3's have also revolutionised people's listening habits, as they take charge of how they consume a product. A single song can be cherry picked from an artist's catalogue, freeing the consumer, from the insistence of the creator, to follow a set list of songs, this can be shuffled into a mix of thousands of other tunes, all catering exactly to the owner's taste. Whether or not it's progress to disregard an artist's concept of a collection of tunes, is another debate. Most importantly of all for the consumer, they can access an almost limitless choice of tunes, from the comfort and convenience of their computer. The need to physically go into a shop again is bypassed. The need to pay money again is often also bypassed, but again, that's a discussion for another day. Mp3's have trounced the CD and the music industry is only just coming to terms with this, after sticking their heads in the sand for a good few years, but at least they are still in the business loop. The retailers are out on a limb and are heading for oblivion.

This brings me back full circle, to what got me thinking about this whole scenario. I was in one of the U.K's leading music/entertainment outlets this week, browsing through their pitifully small section of vinyl, trying to remember the last time, I had experienced this shop, when it was busy. It got me thinking about supply and demand, they weren't supplying me the shopping experience I desired, I still enjoy browsing in record stores and I had money that I was ready to spend, however they weren't providing the product I was demanding: vinyl.

I prefer to buy my vinyl from a shop, rather than risk receiving it through our postal system and all the inherent possibilities of damage this can entail. I want to buy something solid and tangible and I'm keen on picking up newly released singles/albums. Whilst observing a teenager sift through the box of singles, in the fruitless search of the latest hot tune, I reflected that I'm not alone in this desire, nor is it an age thing. I believe the trend for some of the i-pod generation is to listen to all their music in the Mp3 format, but search out favoured tracks on vinyl, with the intent to store them in pristine condition as an artifact, there is also a small but significant resurgence of interest from sections of this age group, in record collecting as a whole, so let's not dismiss this desire of mine, as the last gasps of a dinosaur. We both left the shop empty handed, I would have been delighted to hand over money, for something like a vinyl/mp3 combo deal. O.K the profits margins might be negligible, but it turns over money and gets consumers into their premises. Who knows what else I might have spotted, if I carried on browsing, perhaps some DVDs, which have taken over the prime space on the shop floor. By the way, selling DVDs is a short term solution to shifting units, as these will be all soon be piped directly into our homes, on demand. So I left, not knowing whether I'd bother to return, the retailer had failed to recognise growing trends and as we all know, if you can't adapt quickly enough in business, you will fail. The death of vinyl has been greatly exaggerated, but not I fear, the end of the record store.

Jon Savage reviews the book here..
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/aug/02/music

It was also reviewed in The Observer...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/jul/20/music

and The Indie have covered it..
http://www.independent.co.uk/book%20review

so have The Daily Mail, but I'll never link to that rag!

Wanna buy it? Amazon U.K are pushing it for under a tenner..
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Long-player-Goodbye-Vinyl-Changed-World/dp/0340934107

Blackshapes

This one's veering off the main criteria of this blog, but I think anyone who has has spent many hours shuffling the vinyl racks in record stores, will appreciate this sublime mini comic about our favourite hobby/obsession, created by the talented 'Phil Tre' in Vancouver, Canada.

http://www.blackshapes.com/comics/the_record/the_record.htm

http://www.blackshapes.com/